Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
