oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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