Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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