she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
