I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
