he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
