things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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