I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
