Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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