I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
