so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dude. I can hear the air.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
