I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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