Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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