if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The best revenge is premature balding
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
