He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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