I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
