Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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