Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
