I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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