What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
