Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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