So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I want is dick and wine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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