Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
