if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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