You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
