I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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