dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
