I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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