just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
