If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
