Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
