she woke up with a sticky ear
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
