I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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