so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
