god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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