just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize