Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
