i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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