well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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