I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
