I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
