ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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