She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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