my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
