Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
