Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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