you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I AM VODKA MAN
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
