Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
