I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
