My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
