My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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