two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
