i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
