if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
