if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
