if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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