can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
