On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
