the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
