I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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