Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
