Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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