Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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