My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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