I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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