She's JV to your varsity
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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