Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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