one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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