I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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