Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
