We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
