I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize