i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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