Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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