Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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