i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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