Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
