Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
