You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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