Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
