About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
