Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
