You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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