so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
