Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.