every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
