It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants