Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm pants shitting drunk right now

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  (734): I'm pants shitting drunk right now http://tfl.nu/z85l
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  (909): View more from California

  why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?

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  (909): why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"? http://tfl.nu/si77
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

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  (503): my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew. http://tfl.nu/fdzr
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.

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  (810): i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care. http://tfl.nu/2egt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

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  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (17484) Bad night (949)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.

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  (352): I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green. http://tfl.nu/8k05
  Replies (4) Good night (3507) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

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  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (11570) Bad night (760)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him

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  (256): There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him http://tfl.nu/3qir
  Replies (17) Good night (3583) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.

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  (419): I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again. http://tfl.nu/gudi
  Replies (16) Good night (2619) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.

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  (817): If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun. http://tfl.nu/31s3
  Replies (8) Good night (1318) Bad night (1433) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.

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  (440): Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis. http://tfl.nu/jmye
  Replies (7) Good night (1685) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.

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  (570): If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene. http://tfl.nu/rk7g
  Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?

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  (716): Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose? http://tfl.nu/8x2f
  Replies (13) Good night (653) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.

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  (608): This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat. http://tfl.nu/hchn
  Replies (2) Good night (1053) Bad night (247) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here

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  (740): She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here http://tfl.nu/x0jk
  Replies (4) Good night (269) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt

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