I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out