Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure